When married to a narcissist, separating is only the first step to finding peace and starting your healing journey. There’s still the divorce, and most court systems encourage you to work with your abuser to find a peaceful resolution. Working with a narcissist can be an emotionally straining journey and almost always ends in a High-Conflict Divorce.

Having a support system and a strategy can help you stay focused, strong, and ready to combat the manipulation your abuser will throw your way. The strategies below are simplified for the purpose of this article. My goal is to help prepare you to move through the divorce proceedings with as little conflict as possible and help you take control of your life.

Strategies for Divorcing a Narcissist

While going through a divorce is never easy and, on its own, one of the most emotionally challenging things you will go through. The divorce proceedings are made even more difficult when you are dealing with an abuser or narcissist. Your abuser will take extreme actions to “win” a divorce, whether it’s getting money, custody battles, or property assignments. Some behaviors they may exhibit can be draining for you to manage. With the right strategies, you can get through this tumultuous time and maintain control.

Start with Realistic Expectations

Narcissists will behave and act in ways that will help them get what they want. Setting yourself up with realistic expectations will allow you to see through their behaviors and prepare for the worst. They will lie and manipulate you. Your abuser will make this divorce as difficult as possible and try to paint you in a negative light.

Set Clear Boundaries

Setting boundaries is one of the most important steps after separating from your abusive partner. You may have to remind them often, but setting clear boundaries can help make divorce easier. Boundaries let your abuser know directly what they can and cannot do and how they cannot act towards you. In my boundaries deep dive, I go over how to set a boundary with an abusive person.

Document Everything

In a High-Conflict Divorce, your ex will take drastic actions and lie constantly. Your ex will tell you one thing and say something completely different while you are in court. Documentation can help protect you in court from the negative ramifications of what they try to convey to the judge. Limit your interactions with your ex but keep a record of their communications and actions to provide evidence to the court.

Hire an Experienced Lawyer

Many people can work through a divorce without having to hire lawyers. In a situation where you are divorcing a Narcissist, you will want a strong, reasonable lawyer on your side who has worked with difficult people. They can help you make smart decisions when your abuser begins to act out and help you take a path that will help you in these divorce proceedings. There are a lot of resources out there to help you find a great, affordable lawyer that can work with you if you’re concerned about finances.

Establish Your Support System

This divorce will be a trying time, and you will need a strong support system to get you through. Talk to your friends and family and ask them if they can be a shoulder to cry on or a voice of reason as you manage this high-conflict divorce. Partnering with a divorce coach can be a beneficial way to have a professional on your side as a neutral party who understands what you’re going through.

While divorce is never easy, having the right strategy can set you up for success to help you better care for yourself. Remember, the path may be difficult, but once you make it through the divorce, you can create a new life you control and set yourself on a path to peace.

Getting through a divorce is challenging on its own, but adding that your ex is an abuser can make it seem impossible. As a high-conflict divorce coach, I can help you manage your recovery from an abusive relationship while strategizing how to get through your divorce unscathed. Book a strategy session with me today to set healthy boundaries and set yourself up for success.

My podcast, Relationship Recovery Podcast, can help you with your healing journey and provide valuable support and insights into the complexities that are emotional abuse.